2005

 

Стакан бубль чая сжимая в руке,                                               Holding a glass of bubble tea in my hand,

Неспешно иду, без забот, налегке...                                          I am walking hastelessly, carelessly, easily…

От нежной осенней прохлады                                                     The light autumn cool

На сердце тепло и отрадно.                                                        Warms up my heart.

Людская толпа обвевает меня,                                                  The crowd of people flows past me

Наслаждаясь мерцаньем осеннего дня.                                  Enjoying the sparkle of the autumn day.

Сладкий хруст жёлтых лап под ногами:                                    Sweet snapping of the yellow paws under my feet:

Всё едино меж ними и нами.                                                       It’s all the same for them and us.

Что ещё нужно мне? Хрусталь серых небес,                          What else do I need? The crystal of grey skies,

Бубль чая янтарная сладкая взвесь,                                        The sweet amber of bubble tea,

Белки, ветки, трава, люди, здания, свет,                                  Squirrels, branches, grass, people, buildings, light,

Дай мне, Боже, прожить ещё тысячу лет!                                Give me, Lord, one more millennium to live!

 

8 ноября 2005                                                                                 November 8, 2005

 

Яхлеб и вино изо льда и огня,                                                 I am bread and wine of ice and fire,

Не всякий со мною справится.                                                   Not everyone can handle me.

Десять сотен людей вкусят от меня,                                         Ten hundred people will taste of me,

Тысячепервый отравится.                                                           The one thousand first will be poisoned.

Тридцать девять ночей жгу свечу у окна,                                My window candle burns for thirty-nine nights,

И окно моё светом так славится.                                               And my window is famous for its light.

У окна сижу я, и светла, и смурна                                          I am sitting at the window, light and gloomy,

И чудовище я, и красавица.                                                        The beast and the beauty in one.

Я- замёрзшая плоть, моя кровь что вода,                                I am frozen flesh, my blood is water,

Но не верь им, что мне это нравится!                                       Don’t believe those who say I enjoy it!

Яхлеб и вино из огня, изо льда,                                              I am bread and wine of fire and ice,

Упокойная я, я ж и здравица...                                                    Both a song at the funeral and a song of happiness…

 

8 ноября 2005                                                                                 November 8, 2005

 

Заметки во время пешей прогулки со станции до работы  My notes from walk from the station to work

 

Вновь солнце с востока                                                                The sun is shining from the East,

Жарит левую руку.                                                                         Burning up my left arm.

Неровный загар.                                                                             Uneven tan.

 

Наёмные рабочие                                                                          Contractors

Ненасытно глядят с обочины                                                      Are hungrily gazing from the sidewalk

На девичьи фигуры.                                                                      At girls’ figures.

 

Удовольствие от созерцания                                                      The pleasure from observation

Проходящих женских тел                                                             Of girls’ bodies walking by

Усиливается бутербродом.                                                          Is amplified by a sandwich.

 

В лёгком персидском платье                                                       In a light Persian dress,

Иду, боясь порыва ветра,                                                            I am walking, fearing wind,

Под артобстрелом глаз.                                                                Under the shooting range of eyes.

 

Строгий полицейский                                                                    Gloomy policeman

В чёрной униформе...                                                                    In a black uniform…

Мотоцикл сияет на солнце.                                                          The bike is shining in the sun.

                       

Бритая голова                                                                                 Shaved head

Под чёрной фуражкой с орлом...                                                Under the black cap with an eagle…

Не в Германии ль я?                                                                     Am I in Germany?

 

Маленький пёс на поводке                                                          A small dog on a leash

Бегает по лужайке за белкой.                                                      Is chasing a squirrel in the grass.

Так и люди за мечтой.                                                                   So are people after the dream.

 

15 июня 2005                                                                                   June 15, 2005

 

Любовь давно ждала, как чуда                                               I have awaited love as a miracle -

Пришёл немыслимый кошмар.                                                   An unthinkable nightmare ensued.

Ждала Христапришёл Иуда,                                                   I awaited Christ, Judas came instead,

А вместо свежестиугар.                                                            And suffocation instead of fresh air.

Воображаемые крылья                                                                 Imaginary wings

Сменили хвост и чешуя,                                                               Were replaced by scales and tail,

И ощущение бессилья                                                                  And the feeling of powerlessness

Растёт во мне день ото дня.                                                        Is growing in me day by day.

Но на сады Семирамиды                                                             But even for the gardens of Semiramide

Пустыню не сменю мою,                                                               Will I not exchange my desert,

Свою сердечную корриду                                                            My bloody heart corrida

Благословляю и пою.                                                                    I am praising and blessing.

 

7 июня 2005                                                                                     June 7, 2005

 

“Ты доводишь и сводишь”, -сказал мне                                    You are driving me crazy, he said

Тёплым ласковым вечером он...                                                One warm evening…

Но не дар он судьбынаказанье                                               But he is not a gift from above but a punishment

За всех тех, кто вчера был влюблён,                                        For all those who loved me yesterday,

За мой смех над бессильным томленьем,                               For my laughter at their powerless longing,  

За издёвки над слабостью душ,                                                  For my fun at their weakness,

За прощания без сожаленья                                                       For all the merciless good-byes,

И за всех, кто с разлукой стал чужд.                                          And for all those who became strangers upon parting.

Вафли с мёдом и кофе горячий,                                                Waffles with honey and coffee,

Взгляд отсутствующий на стекле...                                            A distant gaze through the window…

Восхваляю тебя, о, незрячесть                                                  I am blessing you, oh, my blindness

И купанье в чужой золе!                                                               And bathing in the ashes!

 

6 июня 2005                                                                                     June 6, 2005

 

Кроим сердце на кусочки,                                                            We are cutting the heart into pieces,

Шьём цыганскою иглой,                                                                Basting with a big thick needle,

Чёрной ниткой точим строчки,                                                    Sewing with a black thread,

Рвём намётку за собой.                                                                Ripping the basting out afterwards.

Было норковою шапкой                                                            It used to be a fur hat -

Сталокирзовый сапог...                                                             Now is a rubber boot…

Как паук, убитый тапком,                                                              Like a spider, killed with a slipper,

Я живу, не чуя ног...                                                                       I live without a feeling.

 

6 июня 2005                                                                                     June 6, 2005